Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Division: The Funniest Lyrics

Taylor Swift’s <em>The Tortured Poets Division</em>: The Funniest Lyrics

Taylor Swift’s shock double album, The Tortured Poets Division, answers a kind of questions. Questions adore: Matty Healy? Truly? And: Hiya, how did your dad in actual fact feel about Matty Healy? And: Since you introduced him up, did Matty Healy dispute Lucy Dacus he’d execute himself while you happen to guys didn’t salvage married? And, in a fun shrimp twist: Invent you observed Charlie Puth is an underrated pop big title?

However the largest query TTPD answers, one who has dogged Swift her entire occupation and fractured her fan contaminated, has nothing to enact with Matty Healy, Joe Alwyn, Joe Biden, Joe the Camel, or whomever else Swift can also or can also no longer accumulate dated. (Who cares?!?) It has to enact with Swift herself and the capability limits of her genius. All of us know she will be able to pen a timeless bop and a devastating breakup ballad. However can she write a silly yarn? In varied words: Is Taylor Alison Swift silly?

Swift is no stranger to comedy. She’s been on SNL so many times that Lorne Michaels is practically segment of her squad (the important one, no longer the original one). However for every silly Lonely Island cameo and charming late-night yarn Swift has delivered, there’s been an equal selection of clunky dad jokes and recoil interview quotes. So I modified into pretty surprised when I started laughing out loud a couple of times in some unspecified time in the future of the important half of of TTPD.

Appears to be like Taylor Swift is silly. Truly, she’s hilarious—especially when she has zero fucks to present and no-one to fabricate in entrance of. Swift isn’t a stand-up comedian. She’s the funniest, most vicious buddy for your community chat. From the Matty Healy insults to the self-aware shots she takes at herself, right here are the funniest, most mistaken lyrics from The Tortured Poets Division.

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In TTPD, Taylor Swift makes us… chortle?

“However Daddy I Love Him”

Now I’m runnin’ with my dress unbuttoned / Scrеamin’ “However Daddy I adore him” / I’m havin’ his baby / No, I’m no longer, but you would also nonetheless see your faces

The entire wine moms are nonetheless holdin’ out, but fuck ’em, it’s over

“However Daddy I Love Him” takes needless purpose at the thousands and thousands of alternative folks, in conjunction with Swift’s fogeys, who did no longer are looking to ogle the pop big title finish up with the volatile and problematic frontman of the 1975. However as Swift confesses on this scorched-earth banger, she loves him and doesn’t give two shits what anybody thinks about it. Scream Swift, inebriated on Healy’s nicotine-stained kisses, telling her dad that she and her original sentient cigarette of a boyfriend are pregnant, then presently asserting, “Moral kidding! Gotcha!” It’s insane. It’s hilarious. It’s “Leader of the Pack,” if the Shangri-Las wrote it while they were locked away at Shutter Island.

Also, insulting your accumulate fan contaminated by calling them “wine moms”? Right here’s Richard Pryor—level work, other folks. Extra, please!

“I Can Invent It with a Broken Coronary heart”

I’m so discouraged I act adore it’s my birthday each day / I cry loads, but I am so productive / Recount off I’m depressed and no-one even knows! Are attempting to would perhaps be found in for my job

It’s adore Taylor Swift woke up one day and decided to slay the Eras Tour for every girl nonetheless younger enough to imagine in long-term monogamous adore. To which I disclose, lawful for you, blondie! It’s giving Lover Dwelling on fire, and I, for one, am living for these uncooked, day-three-of-your-interval lyrics. The very simplest line is the kicker, in which Swift fires a warning shot at the incoming freshman class of pop-big title girlies. She can also as successfully accumulate written, “I’m going to employ you alive, Olivia Rodrigo,” but “Are attempting to would perhaps be found in for my job” is lawful as lawful and leaves a shrimp room for believable deniability.

taylor swift performs throughout the eras tour dwell performance at sofi stadium

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“Wine moms?!” Easy for your fans, Tay!

“The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”

Modified into any of it lawful? / Staring at at me starry-eyed / For your Jehovah’s Stare jog smartly with / Who the fuck modified into that man?

Within the album notes of the TTPD vinyl edition, Swift declared in a poem that “it’s the worst men that I write simplest,” as if we didn’t already know this thanks to “Expensive John.” However the earnest insults of “Expensive John” don’t assist a candle to the vicious burns on “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.” I’m sorry, but insulting your ex by relating to his outfit as a “Jehovah’s Stare jog smartly with” is a textbook hilarious dig. It sounds adore a line from T. Swift’s original screenplay, Mean Women, the Geriatric Millennial’s Version. And then following that up with a variation of the traditional “original phone, who dis?” diss? Savage.


Even supposing it’s handcuffed, I’m leaving right here with you

Swift has been exploring the “angry lady” personality ever since 2020’s Evermore. However in “imgonnagetyouback,” she embraces the feature for herself, delivering repulsive, hilarious traces that recall her “Easy Dwelling” days. For what it’s price, I’d be proud to accumulate a loopy ex-girlfriend as hilarious as Taylor Swift and would welcome it if she compelled me to leave a celebration handcuffed to her.

“The Dim Dog”

I’m hoping it’s shitty within the Dim Dog / When someone plays “The Starting Line” /And you jump up, but she’s too younger to know this music

Let the memoir dispute that we right here at Esquire accumulate continuously suggested dating someone your accumulate age, if for no varied motive than to assign a ways off from the exact ache Swift describes in these lowering lyrics from “The Dim Dog.”

“Who’s Insecure of Minute Frail Me?”

So I lеap from the gallows and I levitate down your road / Smash the birthday party adore a memoir scratch as I cry / Who’s vexed of shrimp faded me? / Properly, you wants to be

Right here’s the campiest, craziest music Taylor Swift has ever written. I salvage the sense it would perhaps be her most honest, too. It’s “Anti-Hero” on steroids. At the muse of all noteworthy comedy is self-consciousness. That’s why we’re asserting, “It’s silly since it’s lawful.” Swift’s description of herself as a toothless witch “levitating down your road” exhibits that she understands the mockery the media has fabricated from her. She’s in on the silly yarn. Truly, she’s laughing a shrimp too loudly, and it’s making the the leisure of us a shrimp frightened.

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Patrick Smith//Getty Photos

When GTA VI comes out, I’m hoping Taylor knows that she’ll likely never see Travis as soon as more.

“The Tortured Poets Division”

I laughed for your face and acknowledged / You’re no longer Dylan Thomas, I’m no longer Patti Smith / This ain’t the Chelsea Hotel, we’rе smartly-liked idiots

Any individual who listens to the 1975 and has suffered through years of Matty Healy’s antics knows that the dude modified into ripe for a takedown. He’d been soliciting for it, and who better than Swift to dispute the final knockout by reminding Healy he’s a fuckboi, no longer a poet. Thank you, Taylor, for doing the Lord’s work.


My guests all smell adore weed or shrimp infants

If anybody ever asks me what it’s are looking to be for your mid-thirties, I will simply recite these lyrics.

“So Excessive College”

Contact me while your bros play Big Theft Auto

Sadly, I don’t mediate Swift modified into looking to be silly when she wrote this ode to her original beau, Travis Kelce. However no longer all humor is intentional, and as soon as shortly basically the most cringeworthy traces are precise knee-slappers.


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